An Idea that's Nuts
by Erelil Awarthiel
Summary: When two small Elflings ask their parents how exactly they came into this world, things get complicated. Long story short, it will take a long time before Elrond ever cracks open a walnut again! A one-shot dedicated to my friend, MistressOfImladris.


**A/N: This is not a story in the _Tales of the Morningstar_ series, but a one-shot dedicated to a friend. Disclaimer regarding all my fanfiction works is in my bio.**

 **Gosh, I've been counting the days for weeks (as you know xD). So, finally I can utter these words out loud: Happy birthday, MistressOfImladris! And thank you for helping me, having time to talk to me, and just being a good friend in general. And I don't feel like I fully mastered the 'humor' genre, but yea, I tried.**

 **Summary:**

 **When two small Elflings asks their parents how exactly they came into this world, things get complicated...at least for the Elf Lord! Long story short, it will take a long, long time until Elrond as much as dare to crack another walnut after this!**

* * *

The door slowly opened for the thirteenth time this hour, giving unnecessary light to the room, and the Lady and Lord of Imladris already knew which two elves that were on the other end of that door. The demon, err- darling twins had gotten several suggestions on what to do, and sending them off to the library had worked. However, they hadn't been back in the room for _five_ whole minutes, so of course they needed to pay a visit to their parents.

"Adar? Naneth?" Elrohir's voice whispered. The twins stood in the door opening, looking completely identical with midnight blue robes and golden circlets on their dark heads.

"Yes?" Celebrían's tired answer came in reply, but the twins didn't seem to hear her as they continued.

"Naneth?"

"Ada?"

"Nana?"

"Adar?"

Quiet and hurried footsteps came towards the bed where the two lay, half asleep, silently praying for a moment of silence so they could get some much needed rest. Though, it seemed like their twins had something else in mind.

"Ada? Adar? Ada? Adar? Ada?" Elladan continued, as he tugged on a lock of his father's dark hair, pulling harder each time he opened his mouth to repeat the same word over and over again. In the meantime, while the Elf-lord waited for the endless tuggs to stop, he wondered if Artanis and Celeborn were interested in getting a short visit from their grandchildren—for an uncertain amount of time. As Elladan went on, his words became more and more clouded. Eventually everything was just a loud mess in Elrond's head.

Then, silence befell the dark room. The pulling stopped and the mouths were closed shut. For a brief moment, they even thought their sons to have left. The Elf-lord had been pleased with the lack of noise in the room, and in a matter of seconds, he slowly began to drift away peacefully...

"ADAR!" a sudden voice screeched impatiently and tugged violently on his father's hair.

Elrond jerked up in an instant, forgetting that he still had his son's tiny hands tangled in his hair. "Ai, Valar!" he shouted in pain, and Elladan looked perplexed at his tiny hand with wide eyes, then at his father, and back to his hand where a bundle of long strands of hair were entangled. He quickly and panicked shoved it all under his parents' bed, hoping it had gone unnoticed.

"... Ada?"

"Yes, Elladan?!" he muttered frustrated as he looked down at his son.

"Where do we come from?" another voice asked from the other side of the large bed.

"Imladris, of course." Elrond replied, seeing Elrohir sitting at the foot-end of the bed, while his wife had turned to the side, letting Elrond handle the situation on his own. _Great..._

"No. Where do we _come from!_ " his son asked again, and the little Peredhel got the same answer as before in reply.

"What we mean, adar, is where does Elf-babies come from?" Elladan asked as he climbed up to sit on his father's lap, smiling sweetly as he moved his dark hair from his face.

There comes a day, when a parent regret ever becoming one in the first place, and this day was _the one_ _day_ , for the Elf-lord. "Celebrían?" he turned his head to the Silver Queen, pleading with every fiber in his body that she would handle this.

Celebrían—having heard it all—could hardly remain serious as she answered her husband. "Elrond?"

"Please?"

"No."

Sighing, he mentally prepared himself. "You see…" his voice trailed off, not having the slightest idea of what to say to the two Elflings sitting on the bed, staring holes in his soul with their grey eyes and innocent smiles. Oh, by the power of Manwë! Just a few months ago, he had been going over this in his study several times, mastering and learning the perfect speech. But now early in the morning it seemed his brain had completely shut off, abandoning him to fend for himself. "Well…" he panically stared about, searching for an idea. And suddenly it came to him, like a flash of lightning, and he found hope that this morning would go by without disaster. "Do you see the bowl of walnuts and the water glass over there, at the table?" he asked, pointing over at the elegant piece of wood. On it, beside a couple of books neatly stacked upon each other, was a wooden bowl with walnuts, an empty mug and two glasses. One of the glasses was half filled with clear water.

"Yes?" they both replied, and Elrohir scooped closer to his twin, making it even more uncomfortable for Elrond.

"Yes, picture one walnut falling out of the bowl, and then picture the glass falling and spilling the water, and then one drop comes in contact the walnut. And then… and… then… add lots of love and kisses!"

Oh well, one had to admit that this explanation could belong to an Elfling. It was messy and repeating, as he stopped several times to think his words over while a few 'ums' were somewhere midst in it. In fact it made little sense at all. But to his defence, it was early in the morning, he was caught unprepared and he was just really tired! Long story short, he would force Erestor to teach the twins about love and sexual intercourse when that time came, but hey, he tried.

"But, what if the walnut cracks?" Elladan asked, or was it Elrohir? Elrond was just too tired to tell who said what.

"No, my son, if the walnut cracks or is otherwise ruined in any way, no Elfling can be made. So, if you want small babies, under no circumstances must it crack."

"But… can't you glue it back together?"

"Or bandage it?"

"No, it can never work again if it cracks." Elrond answered, way too tired to function. Frankly, his only wish was that the twins would leave to go bother Glorfindel or someone else.

"Never?" Elladan asked slightly shocked and upset, for some odd reason.

"Never."

* * *

 _(A few days later)_

"Naneth!" Elrohir came running into the dining hall, with Elladan close behind. They jogged up beside their parents' chairs, and smiled their biggest smiles in forever. Breakfast had long since been served, and as they ran up to the end of the table, some of the lords and ladies that were seated shot curious glances at the Elflings. "Adar! Naneth!" they beamed and nearly seemed to jump in excitement.

"Yes, ionnath nín, what is it? And why are you both late for breakfast?" Celebrían asked smilingly with an arched eyebrow.

"Here!" Elladan put a walnut on the table eagerly, earning a questioning gaze from both parents. "This was the most prettiest walnut in the sack!" He smiled proudly.

"That is also why we are late," Elrohir informed them.

"Ah, thank you." Elrond hesitantly picked up the walnut, and reached for his knife. And that he should not have done!

"No, wait!"

"Adar, what are you doing?!"

"Do you not wish to see us happy?"

The comments kept flying around so fast the poor parents couldn't tell who said what.

"Why are you reacting this way? They are rather tasty." the Elf-lord smiled at them, as he cracked the nut open. "Here, have a taste."

"Who are you?!" Elrohir gasped, bringing his hands to his face in utter surprise and shock.

"Soulless creature!" Elladan muttered, his grey eyes narrowed in anger while he… growled?

"Elladan, Elrohir, stop this at once! What is with you two today?" their mother asked perplexed.

"He- he cracked her open!" Elladan defended the walnut wildly. Beside him, Elrohir sobbed silently—and dramatically.

"And here I thought the Lord of Imladris was kind and full of love!" Elrohir sobbed, letting his head fall on Elladan's shoulder in a way that expressed nothing but hopelessness.

The older brother patted Elrohir slowly on the back, comforting him, while he stared holes in his father's soul. "How could you, _adar_? Or, I don't know if you qualify as a father anymore! Not after what you have done to us, to this family, to _her!"_ he growled harshly.

"MURDERER!" Elrohir suddenly screamed out of nowhere, before he went back to his previous state, startling the nearby Elves.

" _Her?"_

"Yes! You had all the things you needed to do what was necessary! The walnut, a water glass with water right here at the table, and lots of love! But clearly _adar_ didn't want another bundle of joy, so he had to kill her! Kill our sister!"

… A few seats away, Glorfindel choked on his water.

* * *

 _(TA 241)_

On a soft blanket on the library floor laid the newest member of the Peredhil-family, Arwen Undómiel. She was playing with her toys, giggling and smiling. On two chairs beside her sat her proud big brothers, Elladan and Elrohir Peredhel.

"Guess that walnut really came to great use then." Elrohir chuckled, raising his eyebrows and giving his brother a grin.

"Ha, yes indeed it did, muindor. Indeed it did." Elladan smiled as he looked down on his baby-sister. The sun was shining bright, giving light to the whole Valley, though within the House of Elrond shone a different kind of light - the light of the Evenstar.

* * *

 **Elven translations:**

 **Adar - Father**

 **Naneth - Mother**

 **Ionnath nín - My sons**

 **Muindor - Brother**

 **A/N: Thank you for reading, and reviews are always appreciated. MistressOfImladris, I hope you have a nice day and that this was enjoyable :)**


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